Notes from the Frontline - Reflections on blessing and privilege by Margaret Tooley
Auckland-based spiritual director Margaret Tooley describes a surprising ‘re-calling’ to ministry in the Philippines—a place where she and her husband Ross spent many years in mission. While leading a retreat there recently, she found herself drawn into a searching question: how do we discern the difference between blessing and privilege? In this reflection from the frontlines, Margaret shares her story and the wisdom she is discovering along the way.
Travelling out of town for an overnight spiritual retreat, I looked at the 14 women squeezed into the jeepney with me. Mostly pastor’s wives, mostly rural, unsophisticated, poor and unremarkable. I wondered how I could relate and connect, how I could have anything to share that did not sound white and privileged and unreal.
But of course we have a God who relates, who connects with deep understanding, and tender love. I find it a never-ending wonder to watch the light-bulb moment happen when we encounter God; to discover again that he hears us, he sees us, he loves us.
In those 24 hours, I learnt their names, listened to their stories, and discovered how remarkable they are. As we finished, they asked if I could come back for another retreat, and this time could they please bring their husbands?
The next morning, still pondering these new friendships, I was brought up short by a question: What is the difference between blessing and privilege?
It is a question that expresses the innate unease I have long felt but did not have words for. Because much of what we call blessing is really privilege. I was raised with easy access to health care and free prescriptions, gifted a first-rate education that puts no limits on what is achievable, when I turn on a tap clean water gushes out, and - wonder of wonders – there is another tap with hot water.
I do have enough money to open a bank account.
I do have money for tomorrow.
I do know where my next meal is coming from.
I have a spacious home, and nourishing food to strengthen my body and sharpen my mind. This is just the beginning. These are all privilege and have nothing to with my value, and everything to do with the accident of my birthplace.
It is not hard for this to induce paralysis; whether it’s indulging a sense of guilt, hiding behind shame, or simply looking the other way because it’s all too hard. We forget that ‘to whom much is given, much is required’. The blessing of privilege is that we get to serve others well.
There are traps along the way; to give well also means to receive well. We dare not set up another hierarchy of privilege where we are always the givers, and generate resentment and indebtedness along with gratitudein those we serve. We close the gap only when we are also needy, eager to receive with gratitude and humility.
Still, it is easy to feel powerless. Giving, even sacrificial giving, seems inadequate. I live by the adage ‘Do what you can, not what you can’t’, convinced there are things I can do – perhaps not in Ukraine in Gaza, but wherever I am.
Mother Teresa taught us that.
‘Stay where you are. Find your own Kolkata. Find the sick, the suffering and the lonely right there where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Kolkata all over the world, if you have the eyes to see.’
And what of me and my friends squeezed into that jeepney - what is the blessing between us?
Is it to be able to sit with these remarkable/unremarkable women and share stories and prayers with tears, and laughter? To worship in the presence of God together, to give what I have, and receive what they offer me – contentment with very little, an invitation to re-order my priorities, to trust in God, to embrace humility, a rejection of the false values of status and wealth and influence?
Perhaps this is the blessing that bridges the divide and levels the ground between us.
REFLECT
Take a moment to sit with this question.
Where do you notice the tension between privilege and blessing in your own context?
Margaret Tooley enjoys walking with others as they pursue their relationship with God, whether in spiritual direction, supervision or pastoral care. She lives in Auckland, spends considerable time in the Philippines, and aims to play (or at least listen to) the music of J.S. Bach every day.
This reflection was first published on Margaret’s blog and is shared here with permission. Read more from Margaret here: Everyday Sacred.
